If you are separating from your boyfriend or girlfriend because of anger, or because of a terrible problem such as abuse, breaking up advice can be helpful.
If you are breaking up with someone you care about in some way, the right strategy can help. It’s possible that you will become friends in the distant future.
Keep our advice for breaking up in mind.
Pick the right time and place
You may feel the urge to end a relationship at a restaurant or other public location. However, this is unfair to the person you are dumping. Although you may enjoy the idea that the other person won’t cause a scene, a public space will make them feel vulnerable. It also doesn’t provide them with a safe place to cry if necessary.
Pick a place that is both private and comfortable. You should not do this at your home, as it may be difficult to get them out of the house if they decide to fight.
Timing is crucial. You are not allowed to have them celebrate any major holiday, such as their birthday or your anniversary, or attend a special event, like their sister’s wedding. Do not force them to associate these happy times with the end for many years.
It is best to wait until there are no major events. If something happens, you should be prepared to wait a few weeks before making your decision. You may be tempted to leave right away, but if your plan was to give the breaking up speech tomorrow night and their father is having a heart attack tonight, please be patient.
Wait until your soon to be ex-partner’s family member is well. Your friends and family will see through your crass behavior.
The Best Breaking Advice Ever: Do it in Person
A phone call, email, or (God forbid!) a text message are all good ways to break up with someone. It’s not a good idea to end a relationship with someone by text messaging or calling them. It is impersonal, rude, and cold. It makes it impossible for the other person respond in any way. This will only lead to more anger, pain, and frustration. Face to face, you need to end the argument so they can ask questions, process the information, and then respond.
This rule only applies if you are breaking up with an abusive partner. A phone call is the best and most reliable way to communicate your concerns.
Avoid the slow fade
Relying on the slow fade, where you call less often, visit them less often and hope that they get the hint over time is cruel.
Do better than that. It is childish to let someone waste their time on you. Many people will get the wrong impression that they have done something wrong or are in a crisis. They might draw many conclusions that have nothing whatsoever to do with a split.
Honesty is the best policy – within reason
For most people, honesty is the best advice when breaking up. Tell your partner that you don’t want to commit, that it is difficult for you to overcome cultural differences, or that you feel trapped. Honesty can help them see what may have caused the breakup and allow them to heal.
Honesty doesn’t have to mean cruelty. It’s not necessary to tell someone you don’t like them because they have gained weight or slept with someone else.
You might try a gentler approach such as “I don’t feel the spark anymore.” You feel more like a friend to you,” or “I would prefer to have the freedom to pursue other relationships right away.”
Do not get sucked into an argument.
Let the person you are breaking up with speak their mind, even if they hate you and think you are a jerk.
It is not a good idea to engage in verbal sparring over who’s at fault for the breakup.
Don’t believe the argument. You might end with, “I’m sorry that you feel this way. I hope you find happiness.” “I’m sure we won’t be able to be together anymore.”
Do not make promises you don’t intend to keep.
It’s tempting for someone to break up with you if they are crying out and asking for another chance. If you believe that the relationship can succeed and they are willing to change, don’t do it.
You are only prolonging the inevitable if you promise to try, but you know it won’t work. This is unfair to you both and will only make it more difficult.
For a while, keep your distance.
This is a simple and fundamental rule that most breakup advice ignores. It’s tempting to try to be their friend or check on them immediately. It will confuse them and give them false hope that they are having second thoughts. You may eventually be able be friends, but your ex needs to let their wounds heal and get over them.
It is best to avoid calling or visiting them within the first few days of a split. It will take at least two weeks for you to try to speak to them in person. If you are ready to end a relationship with someone, take the time to do an honest assessment.
Know what you are going to say before you end the relationship. Learn your true motivations and be open to sharing them. The best advice for a breakup is to try to understand the other person and then to treat them the way you would want to be treated.